Bye bye Dogget!
by InterstellarHobbit
Summary: A tale of Mulder and Dogget
1. Bye bye Dogget! Chapter 1

One day Mulder and Dogget were strolling through the woods. Why, you ask? I guess we'll never know... anyways, they were walking along and suddenly Dogget said something very stupid, in usual Dogget fashion. Mulder then punched him for the lies he had told Scully about him the first time they met. Dogget, being stupid and all, just had a dumb expression on his face, so Mulder then slapped him and they went on.  
  
A little later on in their walk, they came across an alien ship. "Mulder, that is NOT an alien ship!" Dogget said to Mulder. "And how would you know, Dogget? Have you ever been in one? I don't think so." "Mulder, they don't exist." "Oh, yeah? Well I ne-" Mulder was suddenly cut off when that super freaky alien bounty hunter walked up to them. Except he wasn't all serious like usual... he was wearing a clown hat and juggling balls. "Em... wha?" stuttered out Dogget. "SEE! I TOLD you!" Mulder shouted back at Dogget. Then the alien bounty hunter, who will from now on be called Bob, dropped his juggling balls and grabbed Dogget. Mulder, who did not like Dogget but didn't really HATE him ran after Bob and started smacking him with a big, wet, slimy, dead fish (which he had been carrying around with him for some strange, unknown reason) to keep Bob from torturing Dogget like he had Mulder. Bob, however, was unfased by this and kept carrying Dogget to his ship. Mulder then fell down on the ground, smacked unconscious by his own fish. 


	2. Bye bye Dogget! Chapter 2

Mulder woke up, not quite sure where he was. Then he smelt his dead fish and remembered what had happened. "Aww, man!" he said. He than sat up, realizing he had been lying on his cell phone so his hip really really hurt. Then he realized, duh! Cell phone! He reached into his pocket and called Scully. "Scully" she said as she answered her phone. "Scully, it's me." Said Mulder. "I'm in the woods, Dogget was abducted!" "Man, what did you do to him, Mulder?" "It wasn't me! It was Bob!" "Bob?" "Yeah, Bob! The super freaky alien bounty hunter!" "You named him BOB?" "Scully, that's not the point! Dogget... is... gone!" "FINALLY!" Scully then, unbeknownst to Mulder, started dancing around her kitchen holding the spatula she had been making eggs with. "This is not a good thing?" said Mulder to her. "Well... I suppose not. I guess we need to get him back now, huh?" "That's what I was thinking." "So how do we do that?" "Don't you know?? You're the one who found me when I was abducted." "Yeah, Mulder, but you were gone for 3 months and we thought you were dead until Skinner had you exhumed." "So we're probably hoping for a better outcome this time, eh?" "Yeah, Mulder." 


	3. Bye bye Dogget! Chapter 3

Mulder and Scully were riding in a car. Where were they going? Who knows. How did they get there? Well, it's not like we ever know these things, do we??  
  
Scully laid out a map on her lap as Mulder drove. "If Dogget was abducted here, then the alien ship must have taken him here." She said as she pointed at different spots on the map. "So that's where we're going??" Mulder asked. "Uhm... haven't you been driving west?" "Erm... is that way west? Mulder pointed out through the windshield down the road. "I don't know Mulder, I've been looking at the map!" "Well, goodness Scully, you don't have to yell at me." At that moment they passed a sign that read: "15 miles to Toronto." "Dangit Mulder, you've driven us to CANADA?!" "Uhhh...." Just at that moment a white, blinding light shone in through their windshield. Mulder stared at it in wonder, and Scully thankfully grabbed the steering wheel to keep them from driving into a ditch. Mulder then got out of the car and stared up at the light, and Scully ran up beside him. Then suddenly the light went out and there they saw the biggest dang firefly they had ever seen. Then they realized it was not a firefly, but in fact, JOE'S SHIP! How did they know this? Well, it was written right there: "JOE'S SHIP!" They figured that maybe Joe was a super freaky alien bounty hunter like Bob, so they waved and yelled at the ship to land so they could ask Joe where Bob was. Thankfully, Joe was out of gas so he did land, although some would call it crashing... anyways. "Joe?! Where's Bob?!" Mulder yelled at the alien. "Bob is gone. He sailed to Valinor- er, I mean, he went back to our home world." "Where's Dogget?" Scully yelled at the alien. "Dogget? What is a... Dogget?" "Some would say the stupidest human being on the face of Middle- er, I mean, THE Earth." "You mean the ugly human Bob had with him? Bob took him back to the undying lan- erm, I mean, our home world as a pet." "NOOOOOOOO!" 


	4. Bye bye Dogget! Chapter 4

Mulder and Scully turned behind them to see who had yelled "NOOOO!" and saw that Reyes had snuck into Mulder and Scully's trunk and had been riding in there for the past 6 hours, surviving on crackers and apple juice that she had mushed up together in a water bottle. "But... but... My doggy! I love him!" "It'll be okay, human. Bob has a nice cage for him and will feed him lots of nice, juicy bugs whenever he does a trick." Reyes just sniffed in reply, and then Joe turned around, got back into his ship, and tried to leave, but since he was out of gas, he just sat there looking dumb. "Here Monica, maybe Teddy can make you feel better?" Scully pulled out one of William's Teddy bears and gave it to Reyes. "But... it looks like... DOOOGGGYYYY!" Then she burst into tears again as Scully quickly hid the bear. While all this was going on, Mulder was silently slapping himself on the bum, seeing as he was being telepathically controlled by Joe's friend Sam who was also in the ship with him. Sam thought it would be fun to make Mulder slap himself on the bum repeatedly, so he used the little implant left over from Mulder's abduction (that no one had ever found) to make him do it. Then Reyes saw this and stopped crying. She walked over to Mulder and giggled as she pointed at him in amusement. "Mulder, what are you doing?" Scully asked him. "Slap bum slap bum slap bum slap bum..." Mulder repeated over and over whilst in a trance.  
  
TBC 


	5. Bye bye Dogget! Chapter 5

"Man... am I glad THAT'S over!" Mulder said, as he came out of his trance. He found himself in the passenger seat of the car. Since Mulder was incapacitated, slapping his bum repeatedly, Scully was forced to put him in the car and buckle him in. Reyes decided to get back in the trunk, since she had grown quite fond of it. "Are you okay now, Mulder?" "Yeah... that was weird. Those dratted aliens!" "Uh huh..." Scully was trying to concentrate on where they were going. They had been driving for quite some time, and only in the past 5 minutes had Mulder stopped mumbling "slap bum slap bum..." over and over and over. "So, where are we going?" "We are headed to Houston." "Why Houston?" "We're going to steal a rocket ship and go find Dogget." "Oh... What?!" Just then they passed a sign that said "50 miles to Houston" "Weren't we just in Canada?" "Yup" "So... how come we're now in Texas?" "Uhhh..." Just at that moment, 5 cars came up behind them. 2 swerved in front and blocked their path. Mulder and Scully got out of the car and saw that the man who had gotten out of the lead car was Skinner. "Mulder? Scully? What are ya'll doing here?" "Don't you know? You pulled us over." Mulder replied. "That's 'cause I thought you were Bill." "Who's Bill?" Scully asked. "A super freaky al- oh, I mean... no one important." "Uh huh... well, we're trying to find Dogget." Mulder said. "Dogget? I just saw him in my office a few hours ago." Just then they heard a muffled "Doggy?!" come from the trunk of Mulder and Scully's car. "What was that??" "Oh, just Reyes. I think she's out of juice... uhm, what was I saying?" "Mulder, I think you were saying... how can Dogget have been in Skinner's office a few hours ago when he was abducted yesterday?" "Oh, right" "Abducted? What do you mean Dogget was abducted? I just saw him!" "That wasn't him, Skinner, it was Cattet." Reyes said. She had found a way out of the trunk, seeing as she was getting bored in there. "Cattet?" Skinner, Mulder, and Scully all said at once. "Who's Cattet?" Skinner said. "That would be Dogget's evil twin brother." Reyes replied.  
  
TBC 


	6. Bye bye Dogget! Chapter 6

While all this was going on, Cattet was in Washington DC. In fact, he was in Skinner's office. In FACTUAL fact, in Skinner's closet. Why was he in there? Well, you see, Skinner's closet is actually a hiding spot for a wormhole. Yes, a wormhole. A wormhole to where? I guess we'll find out...  
  
Cattet stepped out of Skinner's closet. As it turns out, the cigarette smoking man was sitting in Skinner's office, smoking a pipe. "How nice to see you, Agent Dogget." "Yeah... sure. What are you doing in here?" "Well, aren't I always here at the most inopportune times?" "Come to think of it... yeah. That's weird." "Kind of like an FBI Agent in a closet for 6 hours? I've been watching the closet the whole time, you know." "I figured that. In fact... I was hoping you would be." A rather perplexed look crossed the cigarette smoking man's face, and he dropped his pipe. A cruel smile played on Cattet's lips, as he grabbed the cigarette smoking man and tossed him into the closet.  
  
TBC 


	7. Bye bye Dogget! Chapter 7

"Are we there yet?" "For the 1,397th time Mulder, NO!" Scully and Reyes and Skinner yelled at him. They were in a helicopter, flying back to Washington to speak to Cattet. "Fine then, where are we??" "Somewhere over Oklahoma." Scully answered. "Why didn't we just take a PLANE? You know, those things that fly FAST?" "Because this was sitting right there, Mulder." "And why is that, Scully?" A perplexed look crossed her face. "I don't real-" "What's THAT?!" Yelled Skinner, pointing out the window. "You mean the bird?" Answered Mulder. "No, THAT!" Skinner pointed left. "I guess Joe got some gas after all!" Scully replied, right before yet another bright flash.  
  
TBC 


	8. Bye bye Dogget! Chapter 8

Mulder woke up on a table. "Oh man, not again!" he thought. Just then, he heard an incredibly annoying whining sound. "What the..." "We have coooommmeee to capture your bananas!" "WHAT?" "Ahem, ahem... GIVE THEM TO US!" Just then Mulder saw a figure in a cage in the corner. The figure turned into the light, and Mulder realized it was Dogget. The whiny alien voice seemed to have disappeared, so Mulder got up off the table and went over to Dogget. "Dogget, are you okay?" Dogget stared blank eyed at Mulder, and at first he thought they had done something to Dogget, but then he realized that Dogget always looks that way, just because he's so dumb. Mulder started to look at the locking mechanism, but then he thought... why should I? I could just leave him in here... he hasn't been hurt... "MULDER!" Scully ran up to him. "Great, you found Dogget! "Yeah... great." Just then Cattet walked up. "I see you have found my not so intelligent counterpart." "Uhm..." "You see, I am not Dogget's brother" "You're not? So who are you?" "I'm..."  
  
TBC 


	9. Bye bye Dogget! Chapter 9

"Well?!" "Oh! Uhm... what was I saying?" "You were saying you're not Dogget's brother, you are...?" Cattet just stood there. "Well, what am I?" "Don't you know?!" Just then an inflatable plastic alien fell on Cattet's head. "Oh, yes! I am Dogget's counter part, from another dimension! I have come here to find Dogget. I've been living in your universe for many thousands of years. Early on in my time here I found a species on some planet. I realized that Dogget would not be with them, so I decided to conquer them and use them to help me find Dogget! I finally found the planet he would be on... Earth! So I sent my minions to capture the earthlings and test them, to find Dogget! Eventually the government suspected me, so I had my people make a deal with them, to appease them until I could find Dogget..." "So you're saying, EVERYTHING, the whole conspiracy, was so you could find DOGGET?!" Mulder yelled at Cattet. "But... why?" Scully asked. "Because... we was so alone! We wanted him for our friend, our friend! And so he could do all the icky stuff I'm supposed to do, so I don't have to! And now that I found him, I will be returning to my dimension, and all my minions will go back to their home world, they've hated having to go to Earth for so long..." "You mean... that's it? All we would've had to do this whole time is give you Dogget and you'd go away and leave us alone??" "Yes! I eventually got so frustrated I said I would destroy Earth in the year 2012... but now I don't have to! Good bye Earthlings!" Cattet then transported them back to Earth, all except Reyes who had snuck into Dogget's cell and petted his head lovingly while he stared at the wall.  
  
TBC 


	10. Bye bye Dogget! Chapter 10

"So, I guess that's it, huh?" Scully said to Mulder as they sat on her couch. "Yeah... I guess it is. No more aliens... no more Dogget and Reyes... just us." Mulder looked into Scully's eyes, and they kissed. All the sudden, a green glow came from the window. They got up at looked out, and they saw a glowing green ship sitting in a field, filled with people with large brows and pointed ears in bulky silver military clothing. For some reason all these people were half as tall as humans and walking on all fours, and of course, they had blue hair... Mulder and Scully looked at each other in wonder...  
  
And that, my friends, is where this story ends. 


End file.
